Thing came to sudden.....

Hey guys,
I had been long time did not update my blog.
Just want to share something that just happened on me.
Just felt that some of the things came to fast, but i'm not sure will it be gone too fast as well.
Pass few months back i got promoted to sales, its should be happy that if you work you get promoted and learn new environment.
But i notice that i had limited strength and capability.
Or maybe i had put down myself  or my friend told me that i had too much of doubt and don't dare to take the first step.
To be honest i had been struggled in sales line, i'm really 0 on it,  don't know how to play around with those cunning businessmen.
I really so wanted to leave the company or the position, felt that i'm so so so weak and didn't stand out like a man (just like a balless guy).
Felt that i keep escaping from here and there, and how long i can keep continue being a coward.
Who gonna help me out, even that i don't even move the first step.
Really failed to be a man.
Secondly that i felt that i'm not a good guy as well, i had notice it.
Sorry for my ex that how i treated her.
And feel that i'm sorry for the current 1 also.
Maybe we being together too fast and don't really understand each other.
Even a lot of things she asked me, but i keep escaping.
Maybe i afraid she get hurted?
Maybe i afraid she cant accept the facts?
Maybe i afraid she think that i'm a not responsible guy (渣男)?
Maybe i afraid myself?
But some of the things i really admit is my problem.
I thought i can adapt the situation but after sometimes...... to be honest i don't really know how to say or explain in this situation
Or maybe for starting anything will be yes to get him/her but time will tell the truth.
I fucked up due to my RUSHING or HURRY and didn't think far.
Sometimes decision really need time to choose not blindly.
Ya, i still remember she asked me to visit her parents.
But after the incident, i'm really afraid about it due to religious thing.
To be honest she is vegan person and i'm meat eater and i hate vege and some how i ended up to her due to my confident that i can bare with it.
But sometimes i saw nice food, its just will passby infront of me and i cant share food with her due to she's vegan.
Cant blame her, i just can blame myself that i told her i could adapt with it.
To be honest i don't really know what to do what to say to her.
Even she said are we normal? We don't argue........
But to be honest how long it can go?
Am i blocking her future cause of my stupidity mentality and selfish.