累

累有很多种的累

但是这个得累

我真的不想说

也不懂要怎么说

那种累就是我自己知道就好何必告诉别人

告诉了你，你能做什么

我宁愿自己苦，也不愿告诉你

我愿意给你们看我好的方面，也不想被你看到我的真真那一幕

愿你们开心，不必像我那么烦

又烦又累真的不好受

不说不讲不代表我很好

我愿意做你们地听着，听你们诉苦

When you have a good listener to listen your stories

To be honest you will feel better and at least your will having lesser negative mind-set

It would be fun or nice when you dont have listener to talk to

Cause i dont want to spread the negative side to you guys

Why should i 

I rather i get suffer on my own

And be the listener for you guys and the clown to cheer you up

Sacrifice a person better than a bunch of people

This is the old place i could share my things and blogger would be my listener cause its doesnt have feeling

这里就是我最好发泄的地方

I think i had made a mistake

I shouldnt look for you or find you

It should be over and end

我还撕破自己的脸在去讨好你

我也不知道为什么自己那么笨

I can feel it that

I'm not the right person

I'm not the person that can comfort you

I'm not the person you choose to be in path of your life

I'm just being naive try to get close but it just never workout 

Things you told me, i can felt that you did not tell the whole things, maybe you just dont want me to know or i should not know it

Cause you are a person that wouldnt share things to me 

Most of the things i need to find out by myself or monitor by myself

Why i'm still wasting time on it

To be honest i had no idea on it

When i try to find you for lunch or outing

I can feel that you would not have spare time for me

You giving me a hope (its assume by myself)

They way our message conversation, i can felt that you are just 敷衍

Cause i notice that even i sent a message, you try to ignore my message and doesnt reply me when you are online, i rather delete it the message and end the conversation since that you doesnt like to chat with me and make me waiting for your reply and just like an idiot waiting for hope or miracle that not i expected 

But for others i'm not sure

But i'm person that how you treat me and i will do the same things that how you treat me

Having to much of info or news making myself tired and worrying you

I had no idea why should i worry you

You are not mine

I knew some of my post or share you would ignore

90% i can felt that we will not have another date

And i dont have i hope on it as well

I know you rather stay home than going out with me

I cant expect too much on it due to i'm not your somebody to entertain me

Maybe i might be wrong or maybe my sixth senses told me this

I had no idea

I am dump when i'm in love or i like somebody

Dont stress yourself....

Had been awhile i had not write any blog or update my current situation
Hmmm....
Recent quite stress with my current situation
And really lost direction in the moment
It makes me want to give up my life soon
But i still had many things did not done in my life
I cant be so selfish
Quite stress for this few months
Im really lost right now
I know can talk or type in here
I rather not to let my family members know what is my current situation
Cause i should not let them worry and a selfish way to say is
My shit my problem my mess and i need to settle it by myself
Full of debts and i dont have goal
Even i have my own goal
I felt funny to speak it out or let others know my goal
Just felt that im quite failure in my life

But to be honest
Dont stress out yourself
Dont get depress by others
If not you will think alot of crazy things or you might end your life easily
I had notice this
Even sometimes at night i cant really sleep well
Due to i had alot of worries on my own
I think alot
I dont know to solve the problem
I shy to ask or get someone to guide me or lead me
I had no guts, thats all i can said and i admit it too
I had lost alot of things
But im shit and still going on the wrong way wrong direction
FUCK MY LIFE!!!

Tired life

Human being are always selfish and take for granted for everything

We are greedy and want more and more and never satisfied 

But i also noticed that not everyone in this world are this kind of attitude, just example like not everyone are asshole.

Anyhow for sure still got nice people around us 

But the nice people are been used be like, some asshole around them will take for granted or advantage from them.

And they never think how its feel when being useless in this method.

Nice people treat you good, please be grateful cause they never get expectation from you or you.

Sometimes time nice people, they also need some cares from others but others always take advantage on them.

Can you feel it?

If you cant, just get a person around you and try to be nice on them.

If them treat you like an asshole, i think you might feel it in someday.

Nice people sometimes they not get some caring from others but they always care for others even they are down or having some hard feeling.

Did you know?

Did they tell you?

Should they tell you?

Will you comfort them?

I don't think so that you can feel them that they need caring from others, you might feel that he/she goods.

But in their mind or heart do you think they are happy?

Lets put you in their shoes.

I think it might tough for you guys.

To be honest.

If my life can reset or restart.

I rather choose not be exist in this world.

I am really tired with it even i did not gone thru like my parents.

Even i'm just a 26 years old guy.

I really had nothing in my life.

I rather not to be in here if  i had the choice.

The more you care a person that don't really care about you.

Is really tiring.

Sometimes expecting to get some caring but in the end get some hurt.......

At last i felt something that.....

Felt hopeless...
Now i felt the feeling that you had gone thru
And i think i had the same feeling that how bad am i and how i had done to you
In life really like roller coaster
Just like up and down
Twist and twist
Make you feel fun but in the same time you might get suffer after if you cant handle it

Now...
At last karma hit on me
Yup i'm a person the easily get emotion and fully of negative mindset
Yup i felt that when you need me and i'm not there for you
Yup i felt that when you're down and you're need my caring but i still kicked you and doesn't care you at all
Yup to be honest now i felt it
Its damn bad the feeling
The more you care and he/she doesn't care...
Felt that the caring is the dumbass

Yup...
Sometimes just hope to have...
A small hug
Abit of caring
Some to talk to
Some to share to
Its make a person feel better even he or she in a hard time
Jealousy it killed me........

Now i feel it
Its karma time
Payback time
I'm truly and sincerely to say that i'm sorry for you guys...

今天来写一些废的东西。。。

今天不懂做么突然想写东西

就是想写

我越来越觉得自己很有问题了

有些事不必介意

但是心就是静不下来

明明有些事是，不是由我来掌控的东西

就是自己要拿来烦

有时东西是需要时间

就是自己的冲动

害人害己

当我真的没心情

我不会让别人看到

我也不想给人看到这一幕

一个男生怎么那么弱

我宁愿一个人静静

现在的状况就是想吹海风

所以到现在我的前几人都不懂我在想什么，我要什么

对不起我的自私

我宁愿自己烦 （其实小事而已啦，只是自己想太多）

也不愿意你为我操心

Yup even 1 of my friend you catch what i'm thinking and i didn't really talk much about it

Maybe he playing guessing game or maybe he knew about it

Just the things that i don't really step out the step

I still remain in the comfort zone and never progress and adventure the world

I felt i'm and old school guy and living in a modern era

Just like a FUCKING OLD MAN

Too much of doubt and curiosity 

ITS KILL A PERSON

For this few days i keep listening songs to calm me down

Use my heart to understand the lyrics 

Some of the songs are really nice with full of meaning

I'm thinking how good if i can use a song to let them know what i'm facing 

I don't talk much on my personal things 

And in my mind would be why should i share my suffer to you

Cause you don't deserve the suffer that i'm having

Just need you to be happy and joyful all the time  

Thing came to sudden.....

Hey guys,
I had been long time did not update my blog.
Just want to share something that just happened on me.
Just felt that some of the things came to fast, but i'm not sure will it be gone too fast as well.
Pass few months back i got promoted to sales, its should be happy that if you work you get promoted and learn new environment.
But i notice that i had limited strength and capability.
Or maybe i had put down myself  or my friend told me that i had too much of doubt and don't dare to take the first step.
To be honest i had been struggled in sales line, i'm really 0 on it,  don't know how to play around with those cunning businessmen.
I really so wanted to leave the company or the position, felt that i'm so so so weak and didn't stand out like a man (just like a balless guy).
Felt that i keep escaping from here and there, and how long i can keep continue being a coward.
Who gonna help me out, even that i don't even move the first step.
Really failed to be a man.
Secondly that i felt that i'm not a good guy as well, i had notice it.
Sorry for my ex that how i treated her.
And feel that i'm sorry for the current 1 also.
Maybe we being together too fast and don't really understand each other.
Even a lot of things she asked me, but i keep escaping.
Maybe i afraid she get hurted?
Maybe i afraid she cant accept the facts?
Maybe i afraid she think that i'm a not responsible guy (渣男)?
Maybe i afraid myself?
But some of the things i really admit is my problem.
I thought i can adapt the situation but after sometimes...... to be honest i don't really know how to say or explain in this situation
Or maybe for starting anything will be yes to get him/her but time will tell the truth.
I fucked up due to my RUSHING or HURRY and didn't think far.
Sometimes decision really need time to choose not blindly.
Ya, i still remember she asked me to visit her parents.
But after the incident, i'm really afraid about it due to religious thing.
To be honest she is vegan person and i'm meat eater and i hate vege and some how i ended up to her due to my confident that i can bare with it.
But sometimes i saw nice food, its just will passby infront of me and i cant share food with her due to she's vegan.
Cant blame her, i just can blame myself that i told her i could adapt with it.
To be honest i don't really know what to do what to say to her.
Even she said are we normal? We don't argue........
But to be honest how long it can go?
Am i blocking her future cause of my stupidity mentality and selfish.

Promoted to sales......

At last im an account executive AKA conman

Hahahahha

2019 really a new year for me or a learning year?

Should i be happy or excited with the new post

Happy for increment

Excited with the challenges 

Worry with communicating improper way with clients and they dont feel comfortable

I found out 1 thing

If you interested with talking cock or rubbish

Sales job most likely suite a person

I felt that im good in data-entry or reporting skills but not in talking

Am i not suite in sales line?

And i found out that im a introvert person and take time to heat up with them

And i think too much before talking to them

Maybe they are not that scary la

Just i stress myself 

And even i had insomnia for few days

Keep thinking and thinking how to communicate with them, how to help out their business and my sales target, how to pass the message with careful, etc etc.

Almost worked for 1 month and can said that almost every week im drinking beer

After drinking need to drive back home around 20-30KM?

Even im dizzy i dont give a fuck, life is short have fun before i am old

Am i lucky?

My post is my colleagues fight for me 

Even they told me no need afraid we will guide you this and that 

Even my head department and my managers as well

Im quite lucky that all of them are backing up me 

And even my ex colleague teach me alot of things and encourage me and build my confidence, dont be shy, need thick skin.

He just tell me go ahead no need to worry much 

Actually in sales line 

They just want to talk craps and they just want some benefits from US

As long we can make it nothing is impossible

But the thing that im not creative and i dont know how to communicate

It might be take time to learn up those skills

HOPEFULLY everything runs well